I'M TIRED!

I'm going to take a minute to just put some stuff down here, so I can get it off my chest, and hopefully give it to God... 


As the title says..I'm tired... Not just physically, but mentally, and emotionally too. These past 3 weeks have been a complete whirlwind of emotions and stress. We have been dragged into a situation where our lives have been changed, and we've had to make some serious changes. I'm good with the way things are. I just wish that they wouldn't have come about the way they did. I know I'm being vague, but out of respect for my husband, (and technically the courts), I have to be careful what I say. I will say that I am glad that things are the way they are. Light has been shed on a situation that was not good, and for that I'm thankful. All kids are safe and no one is hurt, thank God, once again. That being said, here's where the tired comes in. I have been working now for 2 weeks full time, back at my old job, which in & of itself was a blessing, especially with the changes that have taken place, we need the money! Here's how my days have gone for the past week: I get up at 4 in the morning to shower and get everyone ready, because we have to leave the house by 5:30 to get the hubby to work. I then drop all the children off at daycare (which is due to the situation we were dragged into) by 6, I then drive to work, and sit in the van & read for 20 minutes or so before I go inside & start my work day. I am at work from 7-4, I leave at 11am to take the van to the husband, because he gets off work at 3. Then I'm back to work until I'm off at 4. Then the fun begins. We get home & I cook dinner, do dishes, make sure the dogs have water, make sure the whole brood has a shower and is in bed by 8ish...because we have to get up and do it all over again the next morning... Oh, and I forgot to mention the #6 (the baby) doesn't sleep through the night yet, so I'm up at least once in the middle of the night with him...this is the cause of the physical tiredness. The emotional tiredness, is obviously from the fact that our lives have been turned upside down, and #'s 2,3,&5 are having a hard time with the change, because they don't see their mom anymore (long story that I just can't go into.). This upsets me because I love my bonus children very much, and it hurts me that I wasn't able to keep them from being hurt (I mean, you really shouldn't have to protect a child from his/her mother, but it happens). Not physically, just all the emotional crap that she's put on them... The hubby and I are stressed out because with the added expenses that have been laid upon our shoulders, we are bone dry financially...even with my new income. School is starting and there's no money for clothes & shoes, let alone the supplies that they require you to bring...That's the mentally stressful part...I'm a worrier...I worry, I know as a Christian, I shouldn't but I do. I'm trying to change that...I'm trying to pray when I worry. I'm trying to give things to God, I just have this little string attached to all that I give, so in case I feel like it's not going to happen, or I don't know, I just feel the need to control things, I can yank it back, and worry. It's been my biggest fail as a christian through my entire walk (except, of course the walking away, that was the biggest fail). 
I guess this is going to be the end for now...I feel like, I'm rambling...I just need to get this off my chest, so I can breath... I'm sure there will be more ramblings in the very near future!